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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
