Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
