You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
