oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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