I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
