I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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