So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
