dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
