had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she peed on how many people?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
