how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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