I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
