Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your penis caused this!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
