ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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