All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
