Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
