We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
