textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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