Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im six kinds of drunk right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
