I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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