i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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