My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
