I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i love accidental penises.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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