We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
