I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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