Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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