I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
