So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
