im about as happy as oj after his trial
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
