I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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