It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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