So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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