Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
