I'm so fucking centered right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
