Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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