tonight lets celebrate not being married
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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