so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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