i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
