You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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