Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
