is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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