I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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