Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She bit a glass in half.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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