I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
