did you get engaged???
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
