Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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