i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
