it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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