I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
