I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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