I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
