I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
