So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
