kristin has been a bad kristin
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
