she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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